Kafka's "Metamorphasis" but Gregor Samsa practiced Mindfulness and did Yoga
2-22-22
As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant insect. “This fucking rules” Gregor said. He immediately became accustomed to his various new limbs and his ability to crawl up and along the walls, and upon the ceiling. He clicked his new mandibles together, like someone clacking metal tongs together before turning over a steak at a Barbecue.
“Mother, Father, Come look!” Gregor said, manipulating the door open and skittering outside of his room “I’m a bug!”
“Wow Son” Gregor’s father said “You indeed are a huge bug”
“Do you have any new special moves?” Gregor’s mother asked
“Yeah! I can climb on the ceiling!” Gregor said, and then demonstrated by crawling up the walls and above the family, changing out a lightbulb in the kitchen shandiliere.
“Hey while you’re up there” Dad said “Why don’t you dust the cabinets” And everybody laughed.
“I think I can do thrice as much work, as an accountant, with thrice as many limbs” Gregor said, donning his hat and scuttling out the front door to work.
Gregor felt the the sunshine warm the many segments of his body. He thought it weird to be naked in public, but he was a bug now and that didn’t matter.
“Gee-Gregor?” his boss said as Gregor scuttled into the office.
“How do you do Herr Kreimer” Gregor said “What accounting work do you have for me today?”
“We have the new McGinnis account, there’s no way we’ll be able to do it in time” Kreimer said, sweat drenching his brow in anxiety, not just at the looming deadline, but his best accountant was now a huge bug.
Gregor puffed up his middle segment (?) and said confidently “Set up three stations for me, I will do three times the work because I have segmented eyes and multiple limbs”
And so he did, and Gregor worked from the start of the day until the end of it ceaselessly while his boss tossed apples at him to eat.
“I’m getting so much work done today” Gregor said “this is the best day of my life”
“Gregor” Kreimer said “You live a meaningless existance, work a grueling job, and you just transformed into a bug, all these things would break a lesser person, how do you do it?”
“Its easy” Gregor said “I do Yoga and practice Mindfulness”